I'm not very good at expanding. I tend to just state what I want to say. Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated.
The Perfect Day
Breakfast in bed
My favorite blueberry pancakes
Made just for me
Hand in hand
As we ride across the open field
The sunshine and fresh air bring a smile to my face
A picnic by the creek
Where we share our first kiss
A night under the stars
A fire to roast smores
Ends the perfect day
3 comments:
Hey, you asked for feedback on how to expand, and I think you have a really good base here that is conducive to a nice long poem, it just seems a bit bare-bones right now.
I would suggest you start at describing. You say your favorite day would start with your favorite pancakes, but you could describe them and that would add length. I find if I am at a loss for expansion, I simply become more descriptive. It doesn't always help, but it sure can sometimes.
I also find that if I can attempt to make longer sentences, then I naturally add length because I add detail. Not just description, but just more things.
If I may also make a suggestion, the topic you chose is not one that lends itself well to expansion. Perhaps if you chose a broader topic, then expansion would be easier. A perfect day can only have so many events for instance.
I hope this helps. I was just throwing some ideas out there.
Oh! And I meant to say that I really like the poem though! I think it works really well as a short poem and sometimes, we don't really NEED to expand in my opinion. Sometimes simple poems are the best.
I like this poem in part for its simplicity. It seems honest because it is so simple and I don't have to sit around and pick out the symbolism. It makes it accessible to anyone and I think that's where it has its power.
Katie, if you're looking to expand, David gave some great comments. I think this poem is a little too happy (haha, I know, I'm weird). I enjoy that tension in poetry. It would be really cool to describe in fuller detail your perfect day and an overlap to something horrifying or not quite right about the relationship, etc.
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