Josh's Addict
First person works really well for this story. It would have the same depth if it was written in third person. Its worded to follow the train of thought and addict would have and that helps the story to flow. I think the story flows very well. The brevity of the story works well with the first person narration. It doesn't drag on or omit too many details. It's short and to the point. It makes the reader wonder what happens next. Does he ever overcome the drug addiction? Maybe write a second part or a series that are like journal entries. Or maybe he's looking back on the past and he is now no longer an addict. He could have a good job and family, but is reflecting on how is life used to be. Or it could be a journal entry that's part of a larger story-maybe his wife or child found the journal and is reading it?
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Free Write Week 9
Another poem-I like writing them more than short stories
Cindermanly
Fix the sink, cut the grass, feed the dogs
Honey do this, sweetie do that
No going out to the bar tonight there are still chores to be done
When did I become Cinderella?
No ball for me, no mice, no pumpkins, no prince
All I want is a night out with the boys, Fairy godmother
Bring your magic wand, bring your furry friends
Do all my chores, but don’t tell my wife
No bows, no dresses, no singing critters please
I am a man after all
When the clock strikes midnight I won’t be home
I’m going out tonight, Fairy godmother
No evil magic on me
No curfew for me, because
I am a man and not Cinderella
I don’t want Prince Charming or a castle by the sea
My happily-ever after takes me to a faraway land
A land where a man can be a man
A place where I belong
Where I can smoke, drink, and best of all
No chores in Never, Never land
No wife, no kids, no job
Just a man being a man doing manly things
Please Fairy godmother
Make an exception tonight and help Prince Charming escape from the Ball (and chain)
Free Write Week 9
Not sure if this sounds more like a poem. I am really struggling with writing short stories.
First Day of Spring
Spring flowers blossom. Bees buzz through the air. Honeysuckle scent consumes the air. Rushing water cascades over the waterfall. Chirping birds fly from branch to branch. Budding flowers bestow their beauty on Spring. Slimy snakes slither searching for shelter. The serenity of Spring sounds a new beginning. Flowers awaken from their winter sleep to bloom color on what was recently pure white.
Campers destroy the beauty of nature. With their portable homes and satellite TV, they engulf the songs of birds and squeals of frogs. In the murky night, campers’ shriek consumed within their drunken stupors. With their intoxicated songs resonate through the wilderness, the frightened animals scurry to their midnight hiding places. The campers disregard the true opportunity of camping: to sleep under the stars and discover the peace and serenity which can only be found in nature, the insignificant moments that require peace and patience to discover, and acquiring an invigorating sip of water from a babbling brook.
These campers are on Spring Break; college students who have too much time on their hands and no aspirations past today. The sons and daughters of the rich whose parents give them all the money they desire, but not one moment of regard. These are the kids who learn about life from television shows. The ones who drive the fast cars and party on the weekend. The ones who destroy Spring. The next generation of people who will overlook nature and perpetuate its destruction, consequently, they will be the generation which will discover the cost of indifference.
Reading Response Week 9
Chapter 4
I like the idea of incorp0rating repetition into a story. I do not think it would be appropriate to constantly repeat yourself; however, using foreshadowing in places is a good use of repetition. I definitely think a variety of words should be used. A reader does not want to constantly hear the same words over and over again. Variation can be a good thing in writing. I think the type of repeptition used in the "Thunder Badger" is more reserved for poetry. Short stories do not usually have a rhythmic quality to them. But I believe a repetition of certain signs-colors, animals, numbers, ect-can be useful if the author wanted to discreetly state an opinion. Hidden rhmes and rhythms can be useful in creating a short story that flows.
I like the idea of incorp0rating repetition into a story. I do not think it would be appropriate to constantly repeat yourself; however, using foreshadowing in places is a good use of repetition. I definitely think a variety of words should be used. A reader does not want to constantly hear the same words over and over again. Variation can be a good thing in writing. I think the type of repeptition used in the "Thunder Badger" is more reserved for poetry. Short stories do not usually have a rhythmic quality to them. But I believe a repetition of certain signs-colors, animals, numbers, ect-can be useful if the author wanted to discreetly state an opinion. Hidden rhmes and rhythms can be useful in creating a short story that flows.
Reading Response Week 9
Chapter 3
In a poetry it is easy to write that line or phrase that captures the meaning of the poem and helps it to flow. I struggle with setting up a scene and dialogue in prose. I enjoy writing poetry; however, prose is a struggle for me. I know describing the setting, characters, and dialogue is crucial in a short story, but I do not describe them very well. I don't think this chapter really explains how to set up a scene or how to write dialogue. I think this is more important than length of sentences. If she would tell the reader how to set up the scene and incorporate characters, I feel that it would prevent short, choppy sentences. I did not find this chapter as helpful as I did the first two.
In a poetry it is easy to write that line or phrase that captures the meaning of the poem and helps it to flow. I struggle with setting up a scene and dialogue in prose. I enjoy writing poetry; however, prose is a struggle for me. I know describing the setting, characters, and dialogue is crucial in a short story, but I do not describe them very well. I don't think this chapter really explains how to set up a scene or how to write dialogue. I think this is more important than length of sentences. If she would tell the reader how to set up the scene and incorporate characters, I feel that it would prevent short, choppy sentences. I did not find this chapter as helpful as I did the first two.
Junkyard Quotes Week 9
These came from the Soup Kitchen Reading
1. "Familiar as worn flannel"
2. "I wanna see you in your apron and nothing else"
3. "Voice unravels"
4. "When the sheriff drank, and t hat was often"
5. "It's amazing how Paula Dean can rhyme bachelor and spatular"
1. "Familiar as worn flannel"
2. "I wanna see you in your apron and nothing else"
3. "Voice unravels"
4. "When the sheriff drank, and t hat was often"
5. "It's amazing how Paula Dean can rhyme bachelor and spatular"
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Classmate Response Week 8
Surangi's short story
I found this story very interesting. I think the beginning is a little cliche with the singing birds and blossoming flowers. Maybe try some different images or comparisons. The way the memories are described are very effective. The tone works very well. I definatley would like to see more. Makes me wonder what happened to her that upset her? Is it an illness, or death in the family, heartbreak, or pregnancy? This story could many different directions and I would love to see where it ends up.
I found this story very interesting. I think the beginning is a little cliche with the singing birds and blossoming flowers. Maybe try some different images or comparisons. The way the memories are described are very effective. The tone works very well. I definatley would like to see more. Makes me wonder what happened to her that upset her? Is it an illness, or death in the family, heartbreak, or pregnancy? This story could many different directions and I would love to see where it ends up.
Reading Response Week 8
The chapter on punctuation is very helpful. I am horrible at punctuation which is why I am taking a grammar class. Writing a story without using punctuation was very difficult. It's difficult to read and hard to know where the thoughts end. I naturally add punctuation when I am writing and if there are any errors I correct them in the revision process.
Free Write Week 8
Spring Sounds
Spring flowers blossom. Bees buzz through the air. Honeysuckle scent consumes the air. Rushing water cascades over the waterfall. Chirping birds fly from branch to branch. Budding flowers bestow their beauty on Spring. Slimy snakes slither searching for shelter. The serenity of Spring sounds a new beginning. Flowers awaken from their winter sleep to bloom color on what was recently pure white.
Black Friday (No punctuation exercise)
There women stood shoulder to shoulder waiting for the store to open having survived the last 12 hours in line estrogen was bursting from the group of women the minutes ticked by until only one was left before the store opened the manager got out his key and faced the door soaked with sweat he attempted once twice and on the third try he was able to get the key in the lock 3 2 1 the doors opened to the stampede of women trampling through the door luckily the manager was able to leap on top of a display case within seconds fights were breaking out as women devoured the sales rack in the dark corner of a janitor's closet with eyes closed and rocking back and forth the manager hid the ripping of fabric and stomping of angry muffled the whimpers erupting from the manager
Spring flowers blossom. Bees buzz through the air. Honeysuckle scent consumes the air. Rushing water cascades over the waterfall. Chirping birds fly from branch to branch. Budding flowers bestow their beauty on Spring. Slimy snakes slither searching for shelter. The serenity of Spring sounds a new beginning. Flowers awaken from their winter sleep to bloom color on what was recently pure white.
Black Friday (No punctuation exercise)
There women stood shoulder to shoulder waiting for the store to open having survived the last 12 hours in line estrogen was bursting from the group of women the minutes ticked by until only one was left before the store opened the manager got out his key and faced the door soaked with sweat he attempted once twice and on the third try he was able to get the key in the lock 3 2 1 the doors opened to the stampede of women trampling through the door luckily the manager was able to leap on top of a display case within seconds fights were breaking out as women devoured the sales rack in the dark corner of a janitor's closet with eyes closed and rocking back and forth the manager hid the ripping of fabric and stomping of angry muffled the whimpers erupting from the manager
Free Write Week 8
The Story of Hans the Chicken Plucker
First Person:
My friends are looking at me strangely, and I realize I am humming an old country song. I am not usually in a good mood at work. Plucking chickens is not anyone's dream job. I pluck my last chicken, rinse it off, and toss it into the pile of naked chickens. Still humming those old country love songs because I have a date tonight. Wonder if I should shower? Nah.
Second Person:
Gossip flies through the factory like the feathers the workers pluck. No one can believe Hans has a date. The one with the beer belly and the tobacco dribble running down his chin. "Do you hear him humming? Sounds like a pig dying over there." Hey man, did you see Hans leave? Going on his date tonight. Poor ole gal, he didn't even wash his hands when he left. Look at him-picking flowers out of that poor old lady's yard.
Third Person:
Hans, with tobacco juice dribbling down his chin, stands over the pile of naked chickens . From her father's office, Layla can't take her eyes off of him. In her mind, Hans is the Prince Plucker who has come to rescue her. Deciding to finally make her dream come true she calls, "Hans-catch me!" With a glance over his shoulder, Hans sees Layla leap off the second story floor.
First Person:
My friends are looking at me strangely, and I realize I am humming an old country song. I am not usually in a good mood at work. Plucking chickens is not anyone's dream job. I pluck my last chicken, rinse it off, and toss it into the pile of naked chickens. Still humming those old country love songs because I have a date tonight. Wonder if I should shower? Nah.
Second Person:
Gossip flies through the factory like the feathers the workers pluck. No one can believe Hans has a date. The one with the beer belly and the tobacco dribble running down his chin. "Do you hear him humming? Sounds like a pig dying over there." Hey man, did you see Hans leave? Going on his date tonight. Poor ole gal, he didn't even wash his hands when he left. Look at him-picking flowers out of that poor old lady's yard.
Third Person:
Hans, with tobacco juice dribbling down his chin, stands over the pile of naked chickens . From her father's office, Layla can't take her eyes off of him. In her mind, Hans is the Prince Plucker who has come to rescue her. Deciding to finally make her dream come true she calls, "Hans-catch me!" With a glance over his shoulder, Hans sees Layla leap off the second story floor.
Junkyard Quotes Week 8
1. Many people have sighed for the 'good old days' and regretted the 'passing of the horse,' but today, when only those who like horses own them, it is a far better time for horses. ~C.W. Anderson
2. A lovely horse is always an experience.... It is an emotional experience of the kind that is spoiled by words. ~Beryl Markham
3. In riding a horse we borrow freedom. ~Helen Thomson
4. Horses lend us the wings we lack. ~Author Unknown
5. A woman needs two animals - the horse of her dreams and a jackass to pay for it. ~Author Unknown
2. A lovely horse is always an experience.... It is an emotional experience of the kind that is spoiled by words. ~Beryl Markham
3. In riding a horse we borrow freedom. ~Helen Thomson
4. Horses lend us the wings we lack. ~Author Unknown
5. A woman needs two animals - the horse of her dreams and a jackass to pay for it. ~Author Unknown
Reading Response Week 8
Chapter One
I like that this book starts with sound. I read a lot of children's stories at work and I enjoy the sound of the stories more than the actual narration of it. Reading my written work out loud helps keep it from being choppy. I've noticed that as I write at home I tend to speak out loud. Because in the end, most stories and poetry are meant to be read aloud. The stories in this chapter are great examples of sound of writing. My favorite is the Mark Twain. I have always enjoyed how he writes in dialect. It makes the reading much more interesting. She also makes a good point when she talks about the importance of names. In short stories and novels, names are very important. They give you the context of the story and location even if it is not mentioned. They also help the story to flow and make sense. The exercise is also helpful. I like that this book allows the reader to practice techniques as we read.
I like that this book starts with sound. I read a lot of children's stories at work and I enjoy the sound of the stories more than the actual narration of it. Reading my written work out loud helps keep it from being choppy. I've noticed that as I write at home I tend to speak out loud. Because in the end, most stories and poetry are meant to be read aloud. The stories in this chapter are great examples of sound of writing. My favorite is the Mark Twain. I have always enjoyed how he writes in dialect. It makes the reading much more interesting. She also makes a good point when she talks about the importance of names. In short stories and novels, names are very important. They give you the context of the story and location even if it is not mentioned. They also help the story to flow and make sense. The exercise is also helpful. I like that this book allows the reader to practice techniques as we read.
Classmate Response Week 7
Response to Stephanie's Random Impulse
Everyone experiences that moment, the one where the thing you hold closets to your heart is ripped right out of your hands… and spilt at your feet for everyone else to step on. I couldn’t help but release a heavy sigh as my innocent ice cubes where kicked all over the room by all those carelessly passing by. My once full glass now laid baron and cracked on the floor. The sight was more depressing than watching an ASPCA commercial right after running over your neighbor’s cat. Okay, so maybe I’m being a little over dramatic about my knocked over glass of Jim Beam but sometimes you just have to put your foot down. If you don’t have respect, you don’t even have the clothes on your back…. Well, considering the fact that my shift just ended and I made my way to the bar, instead of the dressing room, after my little dance I wasn’t wearing any clothes…not in legal terms anyway… So I instantly forgot about what little respect I had left, gave up on my vendetta and ordered a double. This time, I’d use both hands.
I think this is a really good prose piece. It drastically changes from what the reader is expecting. It keeps them on their toes and interested in the story. I think the short length works really well with this story. It reminds me of "Popular Mechanics" that we read in class; except, this one is in first person. The first person characterization works well with the storyline. It would be kind of hard to follow in a third person narration.
Everyone experiences that moment, the one where the thing you hold closets to your heart is ripped right out of your hands… and spilt at your feet for everyone else to step on. I couldn’t help but release a heavy sigh as my innocent ice cubes where kicked all over the room by all those carelessly passing by. My once full glass now laid baron and cracked on the floor. The sight was more depressing than watching an ASPCA commercial right after running over your neighbor’s cat. Okay, so maybe I’m being a little over dramatic about my knocked over glass of Jim Beam but sometimes you just have to put your foot down. If you don’t have respect, you don’t even have the clothes on your back…. Well, considering the fact that my shift just ended and I made my way to the bar, instead of the dressing room, after my little dance I wasn’t wearing any clothes…not in legal terms anyway… So I instantly forgot about what little respect I had left, gave up on my vendetta and ordered a double. This time, I’d use both hands.
I think this is a really good prose piece. It drastically changes from what the reader is expecting. It keeps them on their toes and interested in the story. I think the short length works really well with this story. It reminds me of "Popular Mechanics" that we read in class; except, this one is in first person. The first person characterization works well with the storyline. It would be kind of hard to follow in a third person narration.
Free Write Week 7
No safe place
bars on the windows downstairs
is not enough
locked doors are breakable,
2nd story windows are climbable.
Your brother can't protect you
you can hide, but they'll find you
The projects bursting with criminals
No one is safe
The poem we did in class. Just wrapping up my poetry.
bars on the windows downstairs
is not enough
locked doors are breakable,
2nd story windows are climbable.
Your brother can't protect you
you can hide, but they'll find you
The projects bursting with criminals
No one is safe
The poem we did in class. Just wrapping up my poetry.
Free Write Week 7
(Insert Title here)
We kept waiting to hear the shattering of glass and the laughter of a ball
but none of these ghosts came
the silence that followed surrounded us like a tomb
crashing across the velvet sky,
a shooting star brought a promise
chaos everywhere from the seducing winds
that crept in through the night
death was a promise kept in a world filled with humans
We kept waiting to hear the shattering of glass and the laughter of a ball
but none of these ghosts came
the silence that followed surrounded us like a tomb
crashing across the velvet sky,
a shooting star brought a promise
chaos everywhere from the seducing winds
that crept in through the night
death was a promise kept in a world filled with humans
Junkyard Quotes Week 7
1. Growing up Southern is a privilege, really. It's more than where you're born, it's an idea and state of mind that seems imparted at birth. It's more than loving fried chicken, sweet tea, football, and country music. it's being hospitable, devoted to front porches, magnolias, moon pies and coca-cola... and each other. We don't become Southern - we're born that way.
2. When life hands you lemons... squeeze them into some sweet iced tea and thank God you were born a southern girl!
3. Southerner never uses one word when ten or twenty will do
4. The South--where roots, place, family, and tradition are the essence of identity.
5. A southern girl is a girl who knows full and well that she can open a door for herself but prefers for the gentleman to do it because it demonstrates a sense of respect. After all, every girl wants to be treated like a princess. We know how to make sweet tea and grits while telling you everything about any football team in the SEC. We pick our battles and fight with the heart of a pit bull while still maintaining grace and elegance. Our mystique is that of a soft-spoken, mild-mannered southern bell who could direct an army, loves her momma and will always be daddy's little girl.
2. When life hands you lemons... squeeze them into some sweet iced tea and thank God you were born a southern girl!
3. Southerner never uses one word when ten or twenty will do
4. The South--where roots, place, family, and tradition are the essence of identity.
5. A southern girl is a girl who knows full and well that she can open a door for herself but prefers for the gentleman to do it because it demonstrates a sense of respect. After all, every girl wants to be treated like a princess. We know how to make sweet tea and grits while telling you everything about any football team in the SEC. We pick our battles and fight with the heart of a pit bull while still maintaining grace and elegance. Our mystique is that of a soft-spoken, mild-mannered southern bell who could direct an army, loves her momma and will always be daddy's little girl.
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