Classmate Response Week 6

Jamie Lynn's Night Crawlers

I think the line "reveals too much of his angel haired spaghetti arms" is awesome imagery. It is defeinatly not something you hear. I think the first line "as black as shadow lurking" is a little cliche. But most of the imagery is very interesting. Specially at the end where it talks abou Freddy moving off of Elm Street. I think that could be expanded a little bit.

Free Write Week 6

This is a poem I wrote for mother's day a long time ago. I would defiantly like to revise it. Not sure if any of it works or if I should just start over?

Mom

You mean the world to me
You healed my hurts when I was little
And loved me unconditionally
You sacrificed so much for me

With you open arms and loving heart
You've given me love, guidance, and strength
You support me in everything I do
And allow me to persevere
With your strength I can conquer all

You have shown me how to love unselfishly
You are the example by which I live my life
I hope someday I can be half as amazing
As the mother you are to me

Free Write Week 6

Masquerade

I know you-with the house on the corner, the one with the white picket fence
two kids, a dog, a mommy, and a daddy.
I know you, but you don't know me.
I know that after everyone sleeps at night , daddy has a secret life-
an online fantasy life-I know your perfect family isn't so perfect.
I know the facade you put on for everyone
To hide the pain and bitterness of a life that is slowly going downhill
I know that beach vacation wasn't as perfect as the pictures you put on facebook
I know the kids are spoiled brats because you don't care
I know you, but you don't know me.
I know the facebook-picture perfect family you show the world
hides a problematic family
I know all about you but you don't know me
I know the foods you eat, the gym membership that goes unused
I know the fancy car you drive and beautiful mansion you live in
Is out of your budget and buries you in a hole of debt
Oh yea I know all about you
Where you shop, where you eat, when you go on vacation,
The route you take to work every morning.
How do I know so much about you?
You'll never know.
You'll never know that I know all this information
With one click I can share all your personal information with the world
Privacy doesn't exist in this world
Technology reveals the world's masquerade

So this is my rant poem. I hate technology. Don't get me wrong it can be very useful sometimes, but its not worth the cost. It has damaged the family, our society, and children. Kids do not have the social skills they need. They never have to talk to anyone in person-it can all be done online or by text. Language skills are decreasing. Kids are forced to grow up to fast. This poem might be too cryptic I'm not sure.

Junkyard Quotes Week 6

1. You might be a redneck if . . . your girlfriend gets you a pack of beer for Valentine's Day.

2. You might be a redneck if . . . you have to tell your boyfriend "Honey, I said I wanted to cuddle not be in a headlock!"

3. You might be a redneck if . . . for your anivversary your girlfriend gets you waders.

4. You might be a redneck if . . . you propose while fishing on a boat.

5. You might be a redneck if . . . at your wedding the preacher declares " I know pronounce you-Yall"

I love You might be a Redneck jokes. These are some my boyfriend and I came up with.

Reading Response Week 6

The list we made in class on Wednesday was extremely helpful. I had no idea how to revise my poems-what needs to be changed or what I should be looking for. The book never explained how to revise poems. I think that would be something that's really important. I am so glad to now have the checklist. I know what I should be focusing on and what areas to look at. I've never really revised a poem before. It felt like a huge daunting task, but now it doesn't seem so scary.

Reading Response Week 6

I think this chapter was very helpful. It explained how to take a topic and either make it so extraordinary or take an extraordinary topic and put it into every day context. This will keep the poem from sounding cliche or prosy. The poems about Bigfoot were unique. It really showed how to change the poem.

Junkyard Quotes Week 5

These were all from my grammar class!

1.Grammar has some naughty parts.

2.I literally ran into my grandfather at the liquor store.

3. totally+destroyed=totaled

4. 'Well' -is it going extinct?

5. Middle class ranges from $18,000-$500,000-can I be at the top of that class?

Freewrite Week 5

The Horse Whisperer

Breathes mingling as I run my hands softly down your sides
I sense the fear
the trepidation.
Trust-
such a difficult concept for you.
The scars consume your body like flames
lick the burning paper til its consumed.
The scars seared into your flesh forever will not dissappear,
but the scars on your will heal.
Every mornig I bring you a treat,
ever so slowly you reach for it
gaining confindence in me.
Your warm breathe against my palm
Your teeth nip at my fingers
Searching for more.
My body is my only tool-no whips or spurs
Dust fills the air as you run,
circling me.
There is no escape from my gaze.
Your corneas filled with fear,
Sweat and dust mingling on your skin.
All movement ceases.
Your flanks twitch.
Your breath heavy
Haltingly, you take a single step towards me.
My back is turned.
My breathe held. My gaze down.
Suddenly, your breathe tickles my ear. I turn,
sighing. Knowing I've earned your
trust.

Freewrite Week 5

This is a re-write of one of my first poems I posted. Comments and critique would be appreciated

I'm From the South

I'm from the South
Where neighbors are trustworthy
Where doors are kept unlocked
Where the rebel flag soars like an Eagle flying forever in the sky
Where the deep southern drawl is a language all its own
Where time is not measured by a clock, but moments spent with family

I'm from Georgia
Where honeysuckle sweetens the summer air
Where children run barefoot in through the creek
Where golden sunflowers blossom in the fall
Where jacked-up trucks are made for playing in the the Georiga clay

I'm from Moreland
Where my roots run deep
Where everyone is friend or family
Where the town consists of a school and church
Where my cousin is the mayor

I'm from the Evans
Where God is the foundation of our family
Where Granny kills snakes with the garden hoe
Where my cousins and I spent our childhood building forts in the woods
Where Saturdays are meant for family horseback rides

Reading Response Week 5

Chapter 8

This chapter was very helpful. Because I have taken many literture classes and we are always forced to analyze everything in what we read I tend to try to write poetry that has a meaning. Instead, I should focus on writing and not stress over if it has a meaning or not. I never thought about the differences between signs and symbols and how they are used in poems. Signs are what we can analyze, but symbols only have a singular, universal meaning. A writer can use concrete signs to describe an abstract concept.

Reading Response Week 5

The poem we read in class "Burn Ward" was a very interesting poem. I think the use of language and the way it was ordered increased the significance of the poem. The words were soft-something you wouldn't associate with a poem about burned children and a woman lighting herself on fire. It was unique depiction of empathy. It gave a concrete , definative way of seeing empathy and how the lack of it can effect people.

Classmate Response Week 5

Lucas' Random Hips poem

This poem grabs your attention from the first line! The comparison to geriatric might be something to expand. The passage "my cellulite is dynamite" gives the poem a positive tone. The speaker appears to be masculine because of the language such as "huff up stairs, pools overflow, like deep fried atom bombs covered in cheese." Normally a guy wouldn't worry about his hips-that's a feminine traite, but the imagery and comparisons work very well. I would suggest work on the last 2 lines they don't really seem to go with the rest of the poem.

Classmate Response Week 4

Joshua's Train Sets

This poem/free write utterly confused me, but was very interesting. It makes me wonder why is a train set-something typically associated with kids-so morbid? "ashes and plastic fires dance and swirl . . . the monstrosity creeps to life. . . stoic complexion crumbles. . . quivering coward" These are my favorite phrases and images from the poem. I think they work really well and hold intriguing imagery. I like that it's abstract, but maybe a little clarification would help. Like why their are bloody corpses? My advice would be to continue with the awesome imagery and sounds and mabye to clarify a little bit, but not too much. Awesome start though.

Reading Response Week 4

I think chasing poems is a good technique. We are taught in most English classes to analyze. Analyze everything. Well, it's hard to write something creatively when the whole time you are trying to analyze it and give meaning to it. I am constantly analyzing my poetry as I write and it drives me crazy. The chasing poems is a good technique to step back and not analyze it. Just writing words and following the sounds makes for interesting writing. It may not make any sense but I've learned I can go back later and construct a poem from the images and sounds I created with the words.

Reading Response Week 4

Subject

It is hard to sit down and write about something. Strange right? I mean it's hard to sit down and write a perfect, meaningful poem in one sitting. Most of the time I don't even make any sense when I write and have no point in mind when I start writing. It's usually from boredom or lack of anything better to do. I never really feel inspired. I write to write. I rarely show anyone what I write unless I have to. I do not have a method or usually a topic in mind. If I try to have a topic in mind it comes out sounding cliche. Especially when your dating someone new or something terrible has happened I end up with pointless emo poems. I think the Juggling technique is really good to avoid emo poetry. It takes the topic out of context so that it's not just about the emotion. There is a new layer of depth and meaning behind it.

Free Write Week 4

If Prepositions were banned

If prepositions were banned could write a complete sentence?
Could we understand what others meant?
Would our sentences sound funny or strange?

If prepositions were banned could books be written?
Could we give directions?
Could sports events be narrated?

Who really notices prepositions daily?
Who realizes their importance?
Would we even care if prepositions were banned?

Freewrite Week 4

Break-up Poem


The car sits on the side fo the road-It ran out of gas-because that's a man's job

The trashcan reeks of last weeks salmon, overflowing-because that's a man's job

Our daughter, hair perfectly braided- smelling of baby shampoo-matches from the pink bow in her hair to the frilly pink socks on her feet-because that's a woman's job

Grass up to my knees, lawn mower pushed to the corner of the shed; forgotten like the memory of our first kiss (where you asked for permission before innocently pressing your lips to mine)-because that's a man's job

The smell of frying chicken, baking cornbread, and sweet apple pie fill the house-because that's a woman's job

Your to-do list completed-because that's a woman's job

Junkyard Quotes Week 4

1. "I'm drowning in a sea of estrogen."

2. "Love is action. Love is a verb."

3. "I'm a man honey. My nose is made of iron-it will always point us North. That's why men don't need to ask for directions."

4. "Tow-trucker"

5. "prehistoric fossil of mistake/hands no longer needed/carcass of past human/from Eden"-From Professor Edward's poem

Classmate Response Week 3

Joshua West's Sublime

I had so much fun with this exercise in class and I really enjoyed reading what Joshua wrote. I have no idea what sublime means, but I like the way it rolls off the tongue. It is a unique word and I think that is the point of this exercise. To discover that really perfect line and build from there. My favorite line was "Blind is what is not sublime, blind is an unseeing third eye." It makes me wonder what is the purpose in having a third eye if it cannot see? What is sublime? Webster's Dictionary defines sublime as "to elevate in honor" So do we blindly honor or 'idols'? This poem just made me think and I really enjoyed analyzing it and trying to figure out what it meant even though there may not be any purposeful meaning in it.

Junkyard Quotes Week 3

1. "Be super nice in real life-so you can say whatever you want in your writing"

2. "Write to be understood, speak to be heard, read to grow"

3. "The difficulty of literature is not to write, but to write what you mean"

4. "Writing is an exploration. You start from nothing and learn as you go"

5. "I don't like to write, but I love to have written"

Free Write Week 3

I wrote two in class on Wednesday and I like them both a lot. I really enjoyed this exercise so I am going to post them both.

Rose from a Thorn

Rose with thorns, thorns on a vine,the red, red rose consumes the thorns on a vine. Rose like a sore from the thorns. Horns from the thorns on the red sore rose. Horns from below. Below where red reigns. Rains never quenching the red. Horns from the thorns of the red red sore rose. Horns from below where the monster wears the horns. The monster reigns below where the rain never reaches. Where the rain never reaches. Where never quenches the sore red rose below. Below the dirt, the dirt that gives life, below the life-giving dirt where the red monster reigns. Where the monster wears the horns from the thorns of the red red rose.

Free Write Week 3

This poem is from the exercise that we did in class.

The Dance

The cowboy twirled the lasso like a snake. The whip sounded as an ancient accolade. Twirling, twirling, snap crackle pop. Twirling, twirling through air. Through the dust in the air. Twirling over the neck. The neck that connects. The neck that connects to the steak. Through the dust in the air, over the neck, to touch the hair. To touch the hair that envelopes the steak. Twirling, twirling through the air, the sound of the cattle fills the dust-filled air. The rumbling ground rumbles. Rumbles and shakes. Shakes and quakes. Quakes beneath the cattle's' feet. Shaking and quaking. Rumbling and tumbling. Rumbling under the feet. The feet of the steak. The steak covered in the hair. The hair that was captured by the twirling lasso. Twirling, whirling through the air. Through the dust-filled air. Through the air filled dust. Through the air filled dust that comes from the feet. The dust from the feet of the cattle. From the feet of the cattle that rumble and tumble over the ground. Rumble and tumble. Quake and shake beneath the thousands of feet. The feet that make the steak.

Reading Response Week 3

I absolutely enjoyed the recursivity exercise. It is so much fun to see how the words just flow and fall off the tongue. I prefer poems and prose to make sense, but I still like this exercise. Most of the poems we read using this method made sense in a strange way. I like playing with words and it is a good method to use to find one or two lines that will work in another poem or it can give you an idea for another poem or story. This is a method that I will definitely use in the future.

Reading Response Week 3

"What amateurs call a style is usually only the unavoidable awkwardness in first trying to make something that has not heretofore been made"-Ernest Hemingway (61) I really enjoyed the chapter on style. I believe style is something that is discovered through trial and error. Whether its an artist, musician, or writer style is something that develops over time. A person can imitate someone they admire and branch off from there to develop their own unique style. Finding something that has never been done and that is unique is very difficult.