Danita's Random Write
Pulling into the supermarket parking lot, the smell of tar combined with midsummer heat smelt like the mood I was already in. Stench amplified from the hot hot heat. Regretting the fact I left the windows down for the ride, instead of using the little bit of gas I had left for air conditioner. Upon pulling into a space near the entrance, I sat there in the heat hoping the smell would pass. The black parallel powerlines were blinding from the brightness of the sun. I stretch my fingers thru my ponytail noticing the resemblance of color. This makes me happy for reasons unexplainable to myself. I use this sudden urge of happiness like a wrecking ball swaying left to right. And shifting to the right, then suddenly to the left, I use my body weight to open the car door-which is heavy. (heavy as if its from my existential plight) which I suddenly break thru placing first my left torn up sneaker then my right onto the pavement. This is how I get through Tuesday.
The first description "the smell of tar combined with midsummer heat smelt like the mood I was already in" is my favorite. I think that is an incredible analogy. It grabs my attention right away. It is very intriguing how the character has such a difficult time getting through just one day. I like the parallel between the wrecking ball and then how the descriptions sway the same way a wrecking ball would. It is very interesting to read and completes the analogy. I would love to see this story go farther. Is she at work? Picking up her kids from school? A stay at home mom? Maybe its night and she's a prostitute? I think this story could go so many different directions. The only thing I would suggest is where it says "hot hot heat" You've already mentioned the heat right before that and in a short story I wouldn't repeat words.
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